to: B, from: M

Dare I say it, I think I'm over B!!! Like, dear God, I'm not sure how that's possible or even when it happened. But this is my theory: a couple weeks ago, I started to worry that in addition to not being with him, I was slowly losing him as a friend, too. That thought alone absolutely terrified me, and I think it was at that time that I was able to take a step back and face facts. And somewhere along the way, I started feeling better.

I think I found some sort of closure last night, when I sent him an IM saying the following:

fetchdixon221 (12:17:59 AM): I just need to tell you this even though it might make you mad, I've got nothing to lose

fetchdixon221 (12:18:08 AM): I miss you
fetchdixon221 (12:19:09 AM): I don't feel like we're the same friends we used to be, and maybe that's just me, I don't know... but just let me assure you that there's nothing I want from you other than to be your friend and only that

fetchdixon221 (12:19:39 AM): we used to be able to talk about everything and it just didn't matter, but not so much anymore and it's just lame

fetchdixon221 (12:20:15 AM): aaand I know you're thinking this is mary just taking everything too seriously again, (ie your away message) but I guess that's just what I do

fetchdixon221 (12:22:37 AM): so hey I'm definitely not making a big deal out of anything, I would just LOVE it if my old friend came back around.

Never in my life have I felt so confident in saying I miss you to someone.. It's normally a very vulnerabe confession. But today, albeit I only saw him at work, the dynamic between us seemed to be right back on track, and I think that's exactly the reassurance I needed in order to just.move.on.

Grass on the other side, here I come!