dream

It's not often that I remember my dreams, but last night I had one that terrified me to my very soul. It was very, very real, and very very scary. I don't remember how he got in, but I was being attacked by some man in my apartment. I had managed to get to my bedroom and shut the door on him, and by some miracle, I was able to match his strength in being able to hold the door shut while he tried to break through. Several panicked, "HELP ME!"s later, I was able to reach the phone on my bed, and the rest of the dream is what really bothers me. It never occured to me (in the dream) to call 911. The first and only message I sent was to B. I then called my mom so she could hear the screaming and know something was wrong... and then I just sat there and prayed, all while still fighting this guy's strength and determination to get to me behind that door.

Seconds later, I heard a man's voice, but it was a different man. When I opened the door, I saw B standing there. The details escape me now, but somehow he took the man down, and in my eyes, saved my life. My mom arrived seconds later, and I woke up literally feeling like I had escaped death. The vividness of it all is especially disturbing to me, especially since I never, ever, remember dreams that I've had. And how fucked up is it that my first call in my life-threatening situation was to HIM, not 911, and not my mother, or ANY other of my friends that would have been there in a second...

It was him and he saved my life and... DAMMIT. I had just gotten him out of my head and now it's invading my subconscience. DAMMIT.